读《金融时报》学英文写作:定语从句——从白宫顾问辞职学「人物特写三式」
你的「人物介绍」为什么像简历?
批改作文时,学生写”介绍一个人”最常见的版本是:
❌ 学生初版 He is a famous doctor. He worked hard. He helped many people.
❌ 学生初版 My English teacher is a kind woman. She is very patient.
这两段不是语法错,是信息密度太低:三个短句各说一件事,句子之间没有层次,读起来像流水账。阅卷老师看到这种”一句一逗号、三句一换行”的写法,很难给你打高分。
《金融时报》这篇关于白宫疫情顾问斯科特·阿特拉斯(Scott Atlas)辞职的报道,是人物特写的范本。记者要在第一段里交代清楚:这个人是谁、他干了什么、别人怎么看他——三个信息点,全靠定语从句压缩进一句话。今天拆给你。
FT原文示范
Scott Atlas, Donald Trump’s most trusted coronavirus adviser, has resigned, bringing to an end a controversial tenure that epitomised many of the administration’s battles with public health experts over how to deal with the pandemic.
Dr Atlas proved a vociferous opponent of lockdowns, arguing instead for a response that would protect the most vulnerable while allowing the disease to spread in the wider community until herd immunity was achieved.
That approach won support from the president but provoked anger from many prominent scientists, who warned it would put millions of lives at risk.
中文对照:
唐纳德·特朗普最信任的新冠疫情顾问斯科特·阿特拉斯辞职,结束了他备受争议的任期。他的任期是特朗普政府与公共卫生专家之间就疫情应对方式展开的诸多斗争的缩影。
阿特拉斯博士强烈反对封锁,他主张采取一种既能保护最脆弱群体、又允许疾病在更广泛社区传播直到实现群体免疫的应对措施。
这种策略得到了特朗普的支持,但激怒了许多著名科学家——他们警告称,这将使无数人陷入危险。
技巧1:评价式定语从句——主句讲完事,从句补评价
结构公式: [主句], bringing to an end a [名词] that [评价]
FT例句:
…has resigned, bringing to an end a controversial tenure that epitomised many of the administration’s battles with public health experts…
这句话的结构是:主句交代事件(辞职)→ 分词补结果(结束任期)→ 定语从句补评价(这个任期是什么样的)。that epitomised... 不是多余信息,而是给”任期”盖棺定论:它是政府与专家斗争的缩影。
❌ 学生初版 He retired last year. His career was full of problems.
✅ 升级版 He retired last year, bringing to an end a long career that epitomised the conflict between tradition and reform.
💡 效果
升级版用一句话完成”事件+结果+评价”三步,that epitomised 把整段职业经历压缩成一个抽象判断——这是高考读后续写和雅思大作文里非常高级的收尾方式。
考场模板:
[主句], bringing to an end a [名词] that [评价]- 例:She resigned, bringing to an end a teaching career that inspired hundreds of students.
技巧2:限定式定语从句——给抽象方案”下定义”
结构公式: a [方案/建议] that would [目标] while [附带条件]
FT例句:
…arguing instead for a response that would protect the most vulnerable while allowing the disease to spread in the wider community…
学生写”提出一个方案”只会 We should make a plan。FT记者用 a response that would protect... while allowing... 把方案的目标和代价同时装进一个定语从句:这个方案既要保护弱者,又要允许病毒传播——一个从句写清楚政策的利弊两面。
❌ 学生初版 We should make a plan to protect the environment.
✅ 升级版 They proposed a policy that would reduce plastic waste while allowing small shops to stay competitive.
💡 效果
that would... while... 结构让”方案”有了完整的两面性,比 to protect the environment 这种单薄的目的状语信息量大得多。雅思 Task 2 写”解决办法”段落时尤其好用。
考场模板:
a [方案/建议] that would [目标] while [代价/条件]- 例:The city adopted a measure that would cut traffic by 30 per cent while keeping public transport affordable.
技巧3:身份式定语从句——人群+动作+后果一次说清
结构公式: [人群], who [动作] it would [后果]
FT例句:
…provoked anger from many prominent scientists, who warned it would put millions of lives at risk.
学生写”有人反对”只会 Some people disagreed。FT记者用 scientists, who warned it would put millions of lives at risk 一口气交代三层信息:反对者是谁(scientists)、他们做了什么(warned)、担心的后果(put millions at risk)。非限制性定语从句的”追加信息”功能在这里发挥到极致。
❌ 学生初版 Some people disagreed with the plan.
✅ 升级版 The proposal provoked criticism from many local residents, who warned it would destroy the old town’s character.
💡 效果 升级版把模糊的 some people 换成具体人群,再用 who 从句给出他们的判断和理由——批判性写作的”反驳段”里,这个句式让论证立刻具体、可信。
考场模板:
[主句] provoked [情绪] from [人群], who warned it would [后果]- 例:The reform provoked anger from many teachers, who warned it would put extra pressure on students.
针对性练习建议
- 评价式改写:用
bringing to an end a [名词] that [评价]写一句”我的英语老师退休了”,要求把老师30年的教学生涯压缩进定语从句。 - 限定式仿写:从你最近写过的”建议类”作文里找一句 We should…,改写成
a [方案] that would [目标] while [代价]结构。 - 身份式应用:写一句”这项规定遭到家长反对”,用
provoked criticism from parents, who warned it would...补出具体后果。
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