学生痛点:举例只会 For example,举完就丢

批改议论文时,最常看到的一种”伪举例”是:For example, some students waste their time on phones. 然后……没有然后了。例子既没有细节,也没有人,更没有数字;写完”例如”两个字,读者根本不知道这个例子要证明什么。

问题不在”想不到例子”,而在例子的进入与退出都缺少衔接设计:怎么把例子引出来?例子内部放什么?举完之后怎么回到论点?

FT这篇随笔《和旧书断舍离为什么这么难?》(2021年9月)通篇在论证一个抽象观点——“人们囤书,其实是在囤身份与自我”,却一点也不枯燥,因为作者把具体的书、具体的人、具体的数字一个接一个摆进文章。今天学它最实用的四种例证与说明衔接。

FT原文

Take the unapologetic insistence that books are beautiful things and to complain that they have no other utility misses the point.

For instance, consultant and artist Niels Koschoreck has about 8,000 books, divided between his Tottenham art studio and his homes in England and Germany.

Consider also those who have rows and rows of old travel guides.

But I’m generally suspicious of the “you never know” argument.

That’s why my lawyer friend never gets rid of her travel books.

It seems clear that most of the pragmatic reasons we give to justify our book hoarding are merely rationalisations…

中文对照

就拿”书是美丽的东西,抱怨它们没有别的用处就错过了重点”这种毫不掩饰的坚持来说吧。

例如,顾问兼艺术家尼尔斯•科斯乔雷克(Niels Koschoreck)有大约8000本书,分别存放于他位于托特纳姆的艺术工作室以及在英格兰和德国的家中。

再看看那些拥有一排排旧旅行指南的人。

但我总体上对”你永远无法预知”这种说法存疑。

这就是为什么我的律师朋友从不丢弃她的旅行书。

很明显,我们为囤书行为辩白的大多数实用主义理由,只不过是在将某种恋物情结合理化……

四个例证与说明衔接

1. Take + 名词短语:祈使式举例,把”靶子”直接举到台前

原文出处: “Take the unapologetic insistence that books are beautiful things…”

中文解释: Take 在这里不是”拿”,而是”就拿……来说吧”。它后面接一个名词短语(往往是把对方观点名词化),像把靶子拎到台上,然后整段围绕它反驳。

为什么好: 学生举例只会 For example + 一个完整句子,句子一长就绕。Take + 名词短语把”要讨论的那个观点”压缩成一个宾语,句子开头就是一个干脆的动词命令——读者立刻知道你要拿什么开刀。

考场用法对比:

❌ 学生初版 For example, many people think old people cannot learn new skills.

✅ 升级版 Take the common belief that older people cannot master new technology.

💡 效果 观点被”名词化”后可以继续做主语或宾语:Take the belief that… → 下一句就能接 However, research shows…。这是雅思 Task 2 反驳段最利的开头刀。

2. For instance + 具体人物细节:例子要有名、有姓、有数字

原文出处: “For instance, consultant and artist Niels Koschoreck has about 8,000 books, divided between his Tottenham art studio and his homes in England and Germany.”

中文解释: 同样是”例如”,FT 的 For instance 后面跟着具体的身份(consultant and artist)、具体的名字(Niels Koschoreck)、具体的数字(8,000 books)、具体的分布(三个地点)。说服力全部来自细节。

为什么好: 学生的例子普遍是”my friend""some people”这类虚指。虚指例子没有画面,考官一眼看出是编的。给出身份+数字+细节,例子才”立”得住——哪怕不能写真名,也可以写 a classmate of mine who… / a retired teacher in my neighbourhood。

考场用法对比:

❌ 学生初版 For example, my friend spends a lot of time reading.

✅ 升级版 For instance, a classmate of mine reads more than 30 books a year, finishing one every two weeks even during exam season.

💡 效果 数字让例子可验证,细节让例子可想象。这一招对”学习习惯""科技影响”类话题尤其好用——一个带数字的实例,顶三句空泛议论。

3. Consider + 名词短语:把读者拉进来一起想

原文出处: “Consider also those who have rows and rows of old travel guides.”

中文解释: Consider 和 Take 一样是祈使句,但语气不同:Take 是”我把靶子举起来给你看”,Consider 是”请你和我一起想想这类人”。它后面接的通常是一类人一种现象,邀请读者自己代入。

为什么好: 学生写”还有一类人……”只会 Also / In addition, there are people who…,又长又绕。Consider + 名词短语把”举例子”变成”邀请思考”,是议论文中段换角度时最优雅的过渡。

考场用法对比:

❌ 学生初版 Also, many students keep taking photos of their food before eating.

✅ 升级版 Consider also those who photograph every meal before taking a single bite.

💡 效果 Consider 让读者成为例子的”共谋”——一旦读者在脑补画面,论证就成功了一半。还可以叠加 also / even:Consider even those who…

4. 例后收束句:例子讲完要”回家”

原文出处: “But I’m generally suspicious of the ‘you never know’ argument.” / “That’s why my lawyer friend never gets rid of her travel books.” / “It seems clear that most of the pragmatic reasons… are merely rationalisations…”

中文解释: 注意 FT 作者举完例子从不留在例子里:要么用 But 转回自己的立场,要么用 That’s why 说明例子证明了什么,要么用 It seems clear that 把例子推高成结论。例子的出口,才是论点真正的落脚点。

为什么好: 学生最常见的毛病是”举例即结尾”:例子写完,段落也结束了,论点没有推进。议论文里例子是论据不是故事——举完必须有一句收束,把例子的意义说破。

考场用法对比:

❌ 学生初版 For example, my cousin studies very hard and got into a good university. (段落结束)

✅ 升级版 For instance, my cousin studied more than ten hours a day throughout senior year. That is why she earned a place at a top university — and why I believe consistent effort outweighs natural talent.

💡 效果 That’s why / This explains why / It seems clear that 把”例子”翻译成”论点语言”,形成 例子→结论 的完整论证闭环。没有这一句,例子就白举了。

练习建议

找一个你熟悉的议论文话题(比如”应不应该允许小学生带手机上学”),写一个 120 词左右的论证段,按顺序用上四招:Take the argument that…(把反方观点举上台)→ For instance, … with concrete numbers(给一个有数字的实例)→ Consider also those who…(再补一类人)→ That is why…(收束回论点)。

写完检查一遍:你的例子有没有名字/身份/数字?例子后面有没有”回家”的那一句?四招齐了,这一段就从”举例说明”升级成了”例证论证”——这正是中考高分、高考读后续写、雅思 Task 2 都在找的段落质感。

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