昨天有学生问我:“老师,我写作文开头总是’I think’或者’Nowadays’,结尾就是’All in all’,怎么改?”
这是中国学生最典型的写作问题之一。开头平平无奇,结尾草草收场,整篇文章的评分上限就被锁死了。
其实,开头和结尾是写作中最容易通过模仿提升的部分。今天我从《金融时报》一篇生物医药报道中,拆解4种可以直接套用的开头结尾技巧。
原文:FT №5 — Oxford-AstraZeneca vaccine results raise hopes for Covid fight
一、FT原文示范
英文原文:
The coronavirus vaccine developed by Oxford university and AstraZeneca has proved effective in late-stage trials, giving another boost to hopes that the pandemic can be defeated.
The successful results follow the positive trials of rival treatments this month from Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna, which have lifted global stock markets and signalled a possible end to lockdowns that have wreaked havoc on the world economy.
[…]
The jab is priced at about 3 to 4 a dose, supply deals suggest, a fraction of the price of other vaccines. The vaccine can be stored long-term at normal fridge temperature, between 2C and 8C; other treatments require a storage temperature as low as minus 70C.
中文对照:
牛津大学和阿斯利康合作研发的新冠疫苗在后期试验中被证明有效,进一步提振了人类战胜疫情的希望。
这一成功结果紧随辉瑞/BioNTech和莫德纳本月发布的积极试验消息——后两者的消息提振了全球股市,标志着有可能结束已经搅乱世界经济的防疫封锁。
[…]
供应协议显示,该疫苗价格约为每剂3至4美元,仅为其他疫苗价格的一个零头。这款疫苗可在正常冰箱温度(2至8摄氏度)下长期储存;其他疫苗要求的储存温度最低达到零下70摄氏度。
二、开头技巧拆解
技巧1:成果宣布式开头(Results Announcement)
结构公式: [主体] + [动作/成果] + [意义/影响]
“The coronavirus vaccine developed by Oxford university and AstraZeneca has proved effective in late-stage trials, giving another boost to hopes that the pandemic can be defeated.”
这句话的结构是:研究结果(has proved effective)→ 结果的意义(giving another boost to hopes)。不绕弯子,第一句话就告诉读者”什么结果 + 为什么重要”。
❌ 学生初版
I think studying hard is very important for students. It can help us get good grades.
✅ 升级版
The new study method introduced by our school has proved effective in improving test scores, giving another boost to hopes that exam stress can be reduced.
💡 效果 “has proved effective” 是陈述经过验证的事实,自带说服力;“giving another boost to hopes that…” 把具体结果升华为更广泛的意义。两个核心表达组合,刚好构成了一个”先宣布结果→再说明意义”的强力开头。
考场模板:
[The new approach/policy/method] introduced by [主体] has proved effective in [具体成果], giving another boost to hopes that [更广泛的意义].
技巧2:对比铺垫式开头(Comparative Context)
结构公式: [当前结果] + follow(s) [之前的相关事件] + [之前事件的连锁影响]
“The successful results follow the positive trials of rival treatments this month from Pfizer/BioNTech and Moderna, which have lifted global stock markets and signalled a possible end to lockdowns that have wreaked havoc on the world economy.”
这是”背景先行”式的开头。第一句宣布成果后,第二句立即用”follow”把当前事件置于更大的叙事背景中——先有辉瑞和莫德纳的成功,再引到牛津-阿斯利康。接着用三个递进从句:which…and signalled…that…——把”股价上涨→封锁有望结束→封锁已重创经济”三层信息压缩进一句话。
❌ 学生初版
Many people are using smartphones now. Smartphones are very popular. They change our life.
✅ 升级版
The rapid adoption of smartphones follows the expansion of 4G networks across the country, which have connected rural communities and signalled a shift in how people access education and healthcare.
💡 效果 “follow” 一词连接前后因果,比第一句就宣布结论更自然。“which…and…that” 的递进结构让一个长句讲清楚三层信息,比拆成三个短句更有文字张力。
考场模板:
[A] follows [related development], which has [immediate effect 1] and [immediate effect 2] that [broader consequence].
三、结尾技巧拆解
技巧3:比较总结式结尾(Comparative Summary)
结构公式: [A的价格/特点] is [具体数据], a fraction of [B的价格/特点]; [A的优点] while [B的局限]
“The jab is priced at about 3 to 4 a dose, a fraction of the price of other vaccines. The vaccine can be stored long-term at normal fridge temperature, between 2C and 8C; other treatments require a storage temperature as low as minus 70C.”
结尾用两个对比句,清晰地告诉读者这家疫苗的独特优势(便宜 + 易于储存)。比说”This vaccine is cheap and easy to store”有力得多——因为具体的数字(3-4 vs other vaccines)和具体的温度对比(2C-8C vs -70C)让结论有据可依。
❌ 学生初版
This method is better than other methods. It is cheaper and easier to use.
✅ 升级版
The new device is priced at about ¥200 per unit, a fraction of the cost of imported alternatives. It can operate using standard batteries; other devices require specialized charging equipment.
💡 效果 “a fraction of” 比 “cheaper than” 更精确、更有画面感。“while” 或分号对比结构,把两个事物的差异并列呈现,比”but”更有节奏感。
考场模板:
[A] is priced at about [具体数据], a fraction of [对比对象]. [A] can [优点]; [对比对象] requires/requires [局限].
技巧4:客观事实收束(Fact-based Closure)
结构公式: [具体事实];[补充事实],[对比或转折]
文章最后一句话:
“The jab is priced at about 3 to 4 a dose, supply deals suggest, a fraction of the price of other vaccines. The vaccine can be stored long-term at normal fridge temperature, between 2C and 8C; other treatments require a storage temperature as low as minus 70C.”
不写”总之”,不喊口号。记者把两个最关键的事实(价格、储存条件)并列摆出来,让读者自己去判断。这是新闻写作的高级收尾技巧——让事实说话。
❌ 学生初版
All in all, I think this is a very good solution. It has many advantages. We should use it.
✅ 升级版
The solution costs about ¥50 per month, half the price of subscription services. It requires only a basic internet connection; competing platforms demand dedicated hardware.
💡 效果 没有”All in all”或”In conclusion”的总结套路,而是用并列的事实收束全文。这种结尾在考官看来更成熟、更自信。
考场模板:
[A] costs about [具体数据], [对比数据]. [A] requires [简单条件]; [对比对象] requires [复杂条件].
四、针对性练习建议
- 写一个”成果宣布式”开头——选用最近考试的一道作文题(如环保、科技或教育话题),第一句直接陈述一个研究或改革的结果及其意义
- 写一个”比较总结式”结尾——用”a fraction of”和分号对比结构,比较两个事物的价格或特性
- 把下面这个”套路化”结尾改写成”事实收束式”结尾:
All in all, I think public transport is better than driving cars. It is cheaper and more environmentally friendly. We should take buses and subways more often.
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