改了这么多篇作文，有一个问题不管初中生还是雅思6.5分考生都会犯：描述一家公司时，句句都是完整定语从句。
“Boeing, which is an American aerospace company, reported lower revenue. The 737 Max, which is its best-selling plane, faced quality issues. The delay which was caused by the pandemic affected its earnings.”
每一句都对，但每一句都臃肿。而《金融时报》的财报报道告诉你：企业类英语里，定语从句能免则免。
FT原文节选
本文选自FT 2021年5月2日的波音季度财报报道。公司描述、产品解释、事件原因——财报英语的”老三样”，但FT用三种不同的简化方式来写：
Boeing reported lower first-quarter revenue than a year ago, when it was in the midst of the 737 Max crisis, hurt by delays in 787 deliveries and a global pandemic that continues to depress airlines’ demand for planes.
Boeing continues to struggle from the nearly two-year grounding of its workhorse jet, the 737 Max, following a pair of crashes that killed a combined 346 people.
Chief financial officer Greg Smith, a three-decade veteran of Boeing who was seen as a potential contender for the top job, said he would retire in July.
3种企业类定语从句简化
技巧一：Hurt by → 过去分词后置（公司业绩受影响）
原文：
Boeing reported lower first-quarter revenue… hurt by delays in 787 deliveries and a global pandemic that continues to depress airlines’ demand for planes.
注意FT没有写 “which was hurt by delays…”——而是直接把 hurt by… 接在句子后面。这是财报英语里最常用的模式：业绩数据 → 原因分词。
❌ 学生初版
Boeing’s revenue decreased, which was hurt by the delay of 787 deliveries and the pandemic that affected the demand for planes.
✅ 升级版
Boeing reported lower first-quarter revenue, hurt by delays in 787 deliveries and a global pandemic that continues to depress airlines’ demand for planes.
💡 效果
- 删掉 “which was” → 原因直接跟上，节奏更快
- “a global pandemic that continues to depress…” → 保持了一个定语从句来展开”疫情”这个核心原因，这是有意为之——因为”全球疫情”这个名词需要进一步解释
- “hurt by” + “depress” → 两个V-ed连用，信息密集但逻辑清晰
公式： [业绩数据], [V-ed by 原因1 + and 原因2]
例句： The company’s profit dropped sharply, hit by rising material costs and a labour shortage that continues to affect production.
技巧二：Following → 现在分词前置（事件时间线）
原文：
Boeing continues to struggle from the nearly two-year grounding of its workhorse jet, the 737 Max, following a pair of crashes that killed a combined 346 people.
相当于在说”after two crashes that killed 346 people”——但 FT 用一个 following 就把时间顺序交代清楚了，这个词本身就是”在……之后”的意思，自带连接功能。
❌ 学生初版
Boeing is still struggling with the grounding of the 737 Max, which was grounded after two crashes that killed 346 people in total.
✅ 升级版
Boeing continues to struggle from the nearly two-year grounding of its workhorse jet, the 737 Max, following a pair of crashes that killed a combined 346 people.
💡 效果
- “following” 替代 “which was grounded after” → 从句彻底消失
- “a pair of crashes that killed” → 后面的 that定语从句保留，因为”346人死亡”需要完整表达
- “workhorse jet, the 737 Max” → 前面用同位语说明飞机身份，不用定语从句（“the 737 Max, which is its workhorse jet” → 直接写作 “its workhorse jet, the 737 Max”）
公式： [事件], following [时间/原因事件]
例句： The school introduced a new curriculum, following a comprehensive review that identified weaknesses in student writing skills.
技巧三：同位语 + 定语从句混合（人物简介的最优解）
原文：
Chief financial officer Greg Smith, a three-decade veteran of Boeing who was seen as a potential contender for the top job, said he would retire in July.
这是人物介绍的最佳写法：先给身份名词（同位语），再用一个定语从句补充关键信息。
如果按学生写法：
- 第一句：Greg Smith is the CFO of Boeing with 30 years of experience.
- 第二句：He was seen as a potential successor.
- 第三句：He said he will retire.
三个句子缩成一个——用同位语 + 定语从句打包。
❌ 学生初版
Greg Smith is the CFO of Boeing. He has worked at Boeing for 30 years. He was seen as someone who could be the next CEO. He said he would retire in July.
✅ 升级版
Chief financial officer Greg Smith, a three-decade veteran of Boeing who was seen as a potential contender for the top job, said he would retire in July.
💡 效果
- 四个句子合并成一个 → 信息密度翻4倍
- “a three-decade veteran”（同位语）→ 比 “has worked for 30 years” 更精炼、更正式
- “who was seen as a potential contender” 保留一个定语从句 → 因为这句话的核心意思是”被视为潜在继任者”，必须要完整的从句来表达被动态
- 主谓宾结构（said he would retire）非常清晰，不会被前面的修饰影响
公式： [职位] [人名], [the/a + 身份名词 + 定语从句（可省略）], [动作动词 + 关键信息]
例句： Lead researcher Dr Chen, a 20-year veteran of the institute who was widely regarded as an expert in AI ethics, announced her resignation last week.
写法要点总结
写企业、公司、人物介绍类文章时：
- 结果 + 原因 → 用 V-ed 分词代替 which/that + be：hit by / hurt by / driven by / affected by
- 时间先后 → 用 following / preceded by：比 which happened after / before 精简太多
- 人物出现 → 先用同位语给身份，再选择性地加定语从句：职位 + 人名 + 身份词 + (who从句) + 动作
下次写公司介绍或人物分析时，写完第一稿专门找一找所有 which is / who was / that has — 试着删掉 is/was/has，看看句子是否更紧凑。
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