读《金融时报》学英文写作:开头技巧——把「画面」写进第一句:从三则FT短讯学三种开头
批改作文时,我常在第一句下面画一道线,然后问学生一句话:这句,你能拍出来吗?
大多数学生的开头都拍不出来。
❌ 学生初版 Recently, more and more people are paying attention to the environment.
❌ 学生初版 Last week I watched a movie. It was very exciting and I learned a lot.
这两句的毛病是同一个:第一句里没有一个可以看见的东西。“more and more people”看不见,“very exciting”也看不见。而《金融时报》的开头,第一句通常就是一个镜头、一件道具、一个动作——先让读者看见,再让读者思考。
2023年12月的一组FT短讯(哥斯拉、曼联股权交易、特朗普爱荷华集会)刚好给了三个不同方向的示范。
FT原文示范
There is a moment in the latest Godzilla film when the creature glares directly into the camera, its snorting, radioactive rage every bit as infinite and incomprehensible as it was in the 1954 original.
在最新的《哥斯拉》电影中,有一幕是哥斯拉怒目直视镜头,它从鼻中喷出的带有辐射性的怒火,跟在1954年的初代电影中一样没有止境而不可思议。
Standing between two Christmas trees topped with red “Make America Great Again” caps this week, Donald Trump told a crowd of several hundred supporters in Waterloo, Iowa, that his poll numbers were “scary because we are leading by so much”.
本周,唐纳德•特朗普站在两棵顶着“让美国再次伟大”红色帽子的圣诞树之间,对爱荷华州滑铁卢的几百名支持者说,他的民调数字“很吓人,因为我们领先太多了”。
Sir Jim Ratcliffe has agreed to buy a roughly $1.3bn stake in Manchester United, ending more than a year of uncertainty over the English football club’s ownership and highlighting continued investor appetite for sports assets.
吉姆•拉特克利夫爵士已同意收购约13亿美元的曼联股份,从而结束了一年多来围绕这家英国足球俱乐部所有权的不确定性,并突显出投资者对体育资产的持续兴趣。
技巧1:特写定格式开头——从一个「瞬间」切入,不从「评价」切入
结构公式: There is a moment in [作品/事件] when [主体] [动作], [细节描写].
FT例句:
There is a moment in the latest Godzilla film when the creature glares directly into the camera, its snorting, radioactive rage every bit as infinite and incomprehensible as it was in the 1954 original.
为什么好: 学生写观影、写事件,习惯先给评价(It was very exciting / It was meaningful),再补内容。记者反过来:先给你一帧画面——哥斯拉怒目直视镜头。注意这句的两层结构:主句 There is a moment ... when the creature glares directly into the camera 给动作,后面那个独立的名词短语 its snorting, radioactive rage ... 挂细节,句子不断,镜头不停。先看见,再评价,这是记叙类和读后感类开头最缺的一步。
❌ 学生初版 Last week I watched a movie about a monster. It was very exciting.
✅ 升级版 There is a moment in the film when the monster glares directly into the camera, its anger as endless as it was seventy years ago.
💡 效果 「我看了部电影」(评论)变成「电影里的某一帧」(画面)。读者先看到那一帧,才会关心你接下来要说什么。
考场模板:
There is a moment in [作品/经历] when [主体] [动作], [细节].- 仿写示例:There is a moment in every exam week when the whole classroom goes silent, the sound of pens the only noise left.
技巧2:道具细节式开头——用一件「东西」代替一堆形容词
结构公式: [V-ing 场景状语 + 具体道具], [主体] told [听众] that [引语].
FT例句:
Standing between two Christmas trees topped with red “Make America Great Again” caps this week, Donald Trump told a crowd of several hundred supporters in Waterloo, Iowa, that his poll numbers were “scary because we are leading by so much”.
为什么好: 记者一句话都没写“气氛热烈”“支持者非常热情”,他只写了一件道具:两棵顶着红色“让美国再次伟大”帽子的圣诞树。道具一出现,立场、场合、季节全都交代完了。这就是「细节代替形容词」。同时注意句子的排布——分词状语 Standing between ... 前置先立场景,主句 Donald Trump told a crowd of several hundred supporters 才出现,最后用引语收口。
❌ 学生初版 The atmosphere was very lively. Many people supported him.
✅ 升级版 Standing between two Christmas trees topped with red caps, he told hundreds of supporters that his poll numbers were “scary”.
💡 效果 把“lively”“many people”这类形容词和空量词,换成一个能被看见的道具(红色帽子)和一个具体数字(several hundred)。读者自己会得出“气氛热烈”的结论——你替他下结论,不如让他自己看见。
考场模板:
Standing/Sitting [介词 + 具体场景], [主体] told [听众] that ...- 仿写示例:Standing in front of a wall covered with handwritten notes, our teacher told us that the best ideas usually start as scribbles.
技巧3:动作+双结果式开头——先收拾旧局,再指出趋势
结构公式: [主体] has agreed to [具体动作/交易], ending [旧状况] and highlighting [更大意义].
FT例句:
Sir Jim Ratcliffe has agreed to buy a roughly $1.3bn stake in Manchester United, ending more than a year of uncertainty over the English football club’s ownership and highlighting continued investor appetite for sports assets.
为什么好: 这句话做了一次两级放大:ending more than a year of uncertainty(对这件事本身的意义:旧问题结束)→ highlighting continued investor appetite for sports assets(对更大范围的意义:行业趋势)。学生写“意义”只会说 It is very important / It has a big influence;记者用两个 V-ing 短语,把“具体”和“宏观”一次挂上,而且不另起一句。
❌ 学生初版 A rich man bought Manchester United. This shows that football is very popular.
✅ 升级版 Sir Jim Ratcliffe has agreed to buy a stake in Manchester United, ending a year of uncertainty over the club’s ownership and highlighting investors’ continued appetite for sports assets.
💡 效果 ending… 先“收旧局”,highlighting… 再“指趋势”,两个 V-ing 分层,事件的分量就出来了。议论文里写“某件事的影响”,照这个两层放大最稳。
考场模板:
[主体] has [动作], ending [旧问题] and highlighting [新趋势].- 仿写示例:Our school has started a paper-recycling programme, ending years of mixed waste and highlighting a growing appetite for green habits among students.
开头自检清单
写完第一句,问自己三个问题:
- 能拍出来吗? 第一句里有没有一个具体的人、物、动作或数字?如果只有“more and more people”“very important”,这一句还是空的。
- 有没有用一个道具代替形容词? 想写“气氛热烈”,先找出场景里那件“红色帽子”一样的东西。
- 事件后面挂了意义吗? 写完了 what happened,能不能用
ending ... and highlighting ...补一层 why it matters?
针对性练习建议
- 定点特写:为“考试周”“运动会”“第一次上台演讲”各写一个
There is a moment when ...的开头,只写画面,不许出现 exciting / nervous / meaningful。 - 道具替换:找出你作文里所有的形容词开头(beautiful, lively, busy),每一个换成一件具体的道具或一个具体数字。
- 两级放大:任选一条校园新闻(社团招新、食堂上新、图书馆延长开放),用
has ..., ending ... and highlighting ...写一句开头,检查两个 V-ing 是否一个是“收旧局”、一个是“指趋势”。
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