读《金融时报》学英文写作:递进补充与举例衔接

学生的议论文里,最常见的”补充”只有两句话:“Also, …” 和 “For example, …”。第一句永远放在段首,第二句后面永远跟一个编出来的例子。读起来像流水账,因为补充和举例也分层次:有的是追加证据,有的是细化分类,有的是类比说明,有的是顺带交代背景。

今天用《金融时报》关于诺瓦瓦克斯(Novavax)疫苗试验的报道(2021年6月),学新闻记者怎么写”递进补充”——同样是补充信息,四种衔接各司其职。

FT原文(示范素材)

Novavax’s Covid-19 vaccine was 90 per cent effective in its late stage trial in the US and Mexico and proved it can tackle the virus variants of concern, opening the way for the approval of another shot to control the pandemic.

The two-dose vaccine showed 93 per cent efficacy against the variants of concern and the emerging variants of interest, which represented the vast majority of cases. It was 91 per cent effective for people in high risk groups, such as the over-65s and those suffering from underlying conditions.

The data from the trial of almost 30,000 participants in the US and Mexico is similar to the results previously published from Novavax’s trials in the UK and South Africa. Then, it found that the vaccine was 96 per cent effective against the original strain of Sars CoV-2.

The vaccine also proved safe in the US and Mexico trial, with few serious adverse events, equally balanced between participants who took the shot and those on placebo. The most common side effects were fatigue, headache and muscle pain, as with many vaccines.

诺瓦瓦克斯的新型冠状病毒肺炎疫苗在美国和墨西哥进行的末期试验中显示出90%的有效率,并证明它可以对付令人担忧的病毒变种,从而为批准又一款疫苗以控制疫情铺平道路。

需要接种两剂的该疫苗,对令人担忧的变种和新出现的令人关注的变种——这两类目前占绝大多数病例——显示出93%的有效率。它对高危人群(例如65岁以上和患有基础病症的人群)的有效率为91%。

来自美国和墨西哥近3万名参与者的试验数据与诺瓦瓦克斯先前发表的英国和南非试验结果相似。在英国和南非试验中,该疫苗对SARS-CoV-2原始毒株的有效率为96%。

该疫苗在美国和墨西哥的试验中还证明是安全的,严重不良事件很少,在接种者和安慰剂组之间分布均衡。最常见的副作用是疲劳、头痛和肌肉疼痛,与许多疫苗一样。

四种递进补充衔接

1. also 放句中:追加”第二项证据”,而不是段首口头禅

原文出处:“The vaccine also proved safe in the US and Mexico trial, with few serious adverse events”

中文解释:also 放在主语和谓语之间(The vaccine also proved safe),表示”同样的主体,追加一个结论”。前面讲有效率,这里追加安全性——一个主体,两条证据。

为什么好:学生写 Also 永远在句首,而且经常一整段只有一个孤零零的 Also。新闻记者的 also 夹在句中,语气平稳,像在清单上打第二个勾。句首 also 是口语腔,句中 also 是书面腔。

❌ 学生初版

The vaccine is effective. Also, it is safe. For example, there are few side effects.

✅ 升级版

The vaccine proved highly effective in trials. It also proved safe, with few serious adverse events.

💡 效果:三段废话压成两句,also 从段首口头禅变成句中递进。“同样的东西,追加新证据”就用句中 also。

模板:[主体] also [谓语], with [补充细节]

2. such as + 具体类别:举例不是编故事,是细化分类

原文出处:“for people in high risk groups, such as the over-65s and those suffering from underlying conditions”

中文解释:such as 后面直接跟两个具体类别(65岁以上人群、患有基础疾病的人),用来把”高危人群”这个抽象概念落地。这是分类式举例——不讲故事,只列子类。

为什么好:学生写 for example 后面总是跟一个完整的小故事,编得越具体越容易露馅。新闻记者的 such as 只列类别,干净、可信、零编造成本。议论文里论证”某种人受影响”,用 such as 列两个真实类别,比编一个例子有力得多。

❌ 学生初版

For example, an old man who has health problems will be in danger.

✅ 升级版

The vaccine is effective for people in high risk groups, such as the over-65s and those with underlying conditions.

💡 效果:虚构个体换成真实群体类别,可信度完全不同。such as 后面接名词短语,句式也更简洁。

模板:[抽象群体], such as [具体类别A] and [具体类别B]

3. as with + 已知事物:用”同类已知”做类比补充

原文出处:“The most common side effects were fatigue, headache and muscle pain, as with many vaccines”

中文解释:as with 意思是”与……一样”,用读者熟悉的同类事物(许多疫苗都有类似副作用)来补充说明当前事物的特点。这是类比式补充——不说”这很正常”,而说”这和其他同类一样”。

为什么好:学生表达”和其他一样”只会写 like 或 same as,而且经常语法错误。as with 是新闻英语高频书面结构,一个短语解决”同类类比”,放在句尾补充效果极佳。议论文里想写”这并非个例”,as with 是最好的工具。

❌ 学生初版

The side effects are the same as many vaccines. It is normal.

✅ 升级版

The most common side effects were fatigue and headache, as with many vaccines.

💡 效果:两句并一句,把”和其他一样”的判断交给读者自己完成,更客观也更简洁。

模板:[特点], as with [同类事物]

4. which + 非限定从句:顺手交代背景,不另起一句

原文出处:“the variants of concern and the emerging variants of interest, which represented the vast majority of cases”

中文解释:which 引导非限定性定语从句,补充说明前面提到的变种”占绝大多数病例”——这是背景式补充。信息重要但不是主线,就塞进 which 从句,不单独成句打断节奏。

为什么好:学生写背景信息只会另起一句:“These variants are the vast majority of cases. The vaccine is 93 per cent effective against them.”两句拖沓。which 从句把背景挂在名词后面,主线信息(93%有效率)保持完整,句子层次分明。

❌ 学生初版

The vaccine is effective against the variants. These variants are the vast majority of cases.

✅ 升级版

The vaccine showed 93 per cent efficacy against the variants, which represented the vast majority of cases.

💡 效果:主句说重点,从句补背景,一个句子完成两个任务。考场作文信息密度立刻提升。

模板:[主句主语 + 谓语 + 宾语], which [背景补充]

针对性练习建议

这四种衔接解决一个核心问题:“补充信息”不是只有一种写法。追加证据用 also(句中),细化类别用 such as,同类类比用 as with,背景信息用 which 从句。

建议这样练:

  1. 句式替换:找一篇自己的作文,把所有段首的 “Also” 和 “For example” 标出来,逐个替换成句中 also、such as 或 which 从句,数一数句子数量少了多少。
  2. 三角练习:同一个事实,分别用 such as、as with、which 写三遍。比如”网课让偏远地区学生受益”——such as 列地区,as with 类比线下课,which 补充受益人数。
  3. 检查清单:写完一段,问自己三个问题——我有没有编例子?(改成 such as 列类别);我有没有说”和其他一样”?(改成 as with);我有没有另起一句交代背景?(改成 which 从句)。

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