厦门灯塔 · 专业英语作文逐句批改 | 微信 linstudio799
今天的素材来自FT一篇精彩的海地总统遇刺报道(共192词)。短短篇幅内包含了多个值得模仿的高频句型。我们拆解其中4个,每个都能直接用在你的议论文或叙述文中。
原文段落
Haiti has declared a state of emergency after the assassination of its president Jovenel Moïse, who was shot dead during the night in his private home on the outskirts of the capital Port-au-Prince.
“At around 1am … a group of unidentified individuals, some of whom were speaking Spanish, have attacked the president of the republic’s private residence and mortally wounded the head of state,” interim prime minister Claude Joseph said in a statement.
Joseph appealed to the Caribbean nation’s 11m population for calm and condemned what he called an “odious, inhuman and barbaric act”, in which Moïse’s wife Martine was also seriously wounded.
“Although details are still emerging, at this time it can be confirmed that this was a well-co-ordinated attack by a highly trained and heavily armed group.”
句型拆解
句型一:因果链开篇 X has [done] Y after Z
原文:
Haiti has declared a state of emergency after the assassination of its president.
公式: [主体] has [采取的行动] after [触发事件]
为什么好: 中国学生写因果关系喜欢用”because”,但FT的写法是把结果(declare emergency)放在主句、原因(assassination)放在after引导的状语里——先给结论,再交代背景。这种结构更紧凑,也更有”新闻感”。
❌ 学生初版
Because the president was assassinated, Haiti declared a state of emergency.
✅ 升级版
Haiti has declared a state of emergency after the assassination of its president.
💡 效果:主句在前,事件紧迫感立刻体现;after短语交代背景,形成”结果→原因”的倒置逻辑,比”原因→结果”顺序更有冲击力。
句型二:群体修饰 a group of [X], some of whom [Y]
原文:
a group of unidentified individuals, some of whom were speaking Spanish, have attacked the president’s private residence
公式: a group of [身份], [数量/比例] of whom [描述特征]
为什么好: 这是非限定性定语从句的经典用法。some of whom在不打断主句的前提下,给群体增加了一个”细节快照”。比写”a group of unidentified individuals. Some of them were speaking Spanish”更流畅。
❌ 学生初版
Some attackers were speaking Spanish. They attacked the president’s house.
✅ 升级版
A group of unidentified individuals, some of whom were speaking Spanish, attacked the president’s private residence.
💡 效果:两句并一句,节奏紧凑。“some of whom”结构在雅思/高考写作中属于”语法多样性”的加分项。
句型三:引语封装 condemned what he called [X]
原文:
condemned what he called an “odious, inhuman and barbaric act”
公式: [动词] what [发言人] called [评价性名词短语]
为什么好: 表达某人用特定标签来定性某事。what he called = “他所说的”,作用是把发言人的主观评价封装起来,比直接写”said it was an odious act”更正式、更客观。
❌ 学生初版
He said the attack was bad and cruel.
✅ 升级版
He condemned what he called an “odious, inhuman and barbaric act”.
💡 效果:一个句型同时完成”报告事实”和”呈现评价”两件事。适用于任何需要引用他人观点的场景。
句型四:让步确认 Although X, at this time it can be confirmed that Y
原文:
Although details are still emerging, at this time it can be confirmed that this was a well-co-ordinated attack
公式: Although [不确定性], at this time it can be confirmed that [确定性]
为什么好: 典型”承认局限→给出结论”的学术写作结构。先用Although承认信息不完整,再用it can be confirmed that给出有力结论。这种”让步+确认”的节奏,远比”Details are still emerging. But we can confirm…”老练。
❌ 学生初版
We don’t know all the details, but we can confirm it was a planned attack.
✅ 升级版
Although details are still emerging, at this time it can be confirmed that this was a well-co-ordinated attack.
💡 效果:Although让步句展示思维的严谨性,it can be confirmed that展示果断结论。一退一进,写作层次感立现。
写作建议
这4个句型有一个共同点:它们都不是”生僻词”,而是”生僻结构”。中国学生缺的不是词汇量,而是把这些常用词(after, some of whom, what he called, although…it can be confirmed)组合成高级句型的意识。
建议你做一件事:找一篇你自己的作文,把每个”because”开头的句子改成[结果] after [原因]的结构。这一种改动,就能让文章读起来”像英国人写的”。
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